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Genetic Scientists Create Flawless Worship Leader

CAMBRIDGE, MA—According to an announcement made at MIT Monday, a team of genetic scientists has created a “genetically flawless” worship leader, who exhibits none of the usual faults of ordinary worship leaders.

 

The team of scientists worked tirelessly on the DNA code of the worship leader for over fifteen years, tweaking and refining his genetic attributes to remove all annoying traits of regular worship leaders.

The prototype, named Blaze Niles, can play any hymn or worship song on command in a key the congregation can actually sing in, according to the researchers, and never deviates from a song arrangement or ad-libs any lyrics.

“He doesn’t explain his reasons for choosing every single song he plays. He doesn’t lead impromptu prayers. He never asks for the congregation to do something weird or cringey like repeat a certain phrase over and over or suddenly embrace everyone around them,” head researcher Dr. Alan Carter said. “He can even play bar chords!”

“Niles also prefers to wear a sensible tee or polo shirt with slacks while leading worship, with contemporary yet tasteful white-soled sneakers, and absolutely refuses to don a beanie or scarf unless the weather requires it,” Dr. Carter added.

A production version of the flawless worship leader for churches to order is in development, sources at MIT confirmed.

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This article is by Thom Ranier, and originally appeared on his website in 2015.  Get more of Thom’s stuff here :  http://thomrainer.com

Seven Things Church Members Should Say to Guests in a Worship Service

One of the more common questions I’m asked relates to growth barriers. For example, church leaders may want to know how to move past the 150-attendance level of the past five years. Or other leaders desire to know how to break though financial giving barriers.

Those questions are tough because they often presume a brief response to be adequate. In reality, there are many theological and methodological issues at work in growth barriers. Today, I am looking at a very basic barrier: lack of friendliness to church guests.

In a previous blog post, I noted things we should not say to a guest in our worship services. In today’s post I look at the positive perspective: seven things we should say to guests.

  1. “Thank you for being here.” It’s just that basic. I have heard from numerous church guests who returned because they were simply told “thank you.”
  2. “Let me help you with that.” If you see someone struggling with umbrellas, young children, diaper bags, purses, and other items, a gesture to hold something for them is a huge positive. Of course, this comment is appropriate for member to member as well.
  3. “Please take my seat.” I actually heard that comment twice in a church where I was speaking in the Nashville area. The first comment came from a member to a young family of five who were trying to find a place to sit together.
  4. “Here is my email address. Please let me know if I can help in any way.” Of course, this comment must be used with discretion, but it can be a hugely positive message to a guest.
  5. “Can I show you where you need to go?” Even in smaller churches, guests will not know where to find the nursery, restrooms, and small group meeting areas. You can usually tell when a guest does not know where he or she is to go.
  6. “Let me introduce you to ___________.” The return rate of guests is always higher if they meet other people. A church member may have the opportunity to introduce the guest to the pastor, other church staff, and other members of the church.
  7. “Would you join us for lunch?” I saved this question for last for two reasons. First, the situation must obviously be appropriate before you offer the invitation. Second, I have seen this approach have the highest guest return rate of any one factor. What if your church members sought to invite different guests 6 to 12 times a year? The burden would not be great; but the impact would be huge.

Let’s look at one example of breaking attendance barriers by saying the right things to guests. Presume your church has two first-time guests a week. Over the course of a year, the church would have 100 first-time guests. With most of the members being genuinely guest friendly, you could see half of those guests become active members. Attendance could thus increase by as much as 50 persons every year.